deGra[v]itated: August 2002

Saturday, August 31

mood : glee
weather : unknown
wheee... meant to go online last night, but i slept at 6++ pm and woke up at 1am, and was too wide awake to go back to sleep.

my aunts and uncles and cousins will be coming over later today, and i wonder how am i going to stand the boredom of not having the pc. but heck, i needa study.

Friday, August 30

mood : haHah
weather : cloudy
it looks like it's going to rain now.. i skipped school today.. *wooHoo* they're celebrating Merdeka day in school today, and i am supposed to go receive my co-curricular thingy.. umm.. celine went to sunway lagoon yesterday. heh and now she looked burnt. lol

ohkay weii caryn.. thought u said u've already bertaubat? haha. heh u better studdyy more this time around.. make your layout during the hols ... =P *hehe* but then, all the same, i can't wait to see ur new layout..

Wednesday, August 28

okiee..... u called me to crap anything here, so i did... hahahahaa... but then i don't know what to crap. so here i am crapping practically nothing...
a haa haa...oHh.. ur request... i've changed my mood from flustered to energetic.. there it is :)
uMmm..wut else to crap ar?? uMm..
oh!!!! and by the way..no one will miss me so i am not going to crap here everyday....
haahahahahahhhahahahahhahahhaaaaa

hey!! caryn!! this song's for ya... *hee*hee*

this one's for me :
It's the sign of the times, girl
Sad songs on the radio
It's the sign of the times, girl
As the leaves begin to go
But all these sign now,
Showing on my face
Proving me wrong, taking it's place

Pray to God
That there's more that we can do, yeah
Pray to God
That there's more that we can show
More that we can do, yeah

Isn't it a wonder
As a newborn baby cries
Isn't it a wonder
With the sweetness in my eyes
And isn't it a wonder
At the crossroads of my life
Isn't it a wonder?
Isn't it a wonder? oh , you're all

It's the way of the world when,
Wrong takes hold of right
It's the way of the world
In which we've all lost sight
But isn't this world
Too simple to be true?
Holding on to memories of you

Pray to God
That there's more that we can do, yeah
Pray to God
That there's more that we can show
More that we can do, yeah

Isn't it a wonder
As a newborn baby cries
Isn't it a wonder
With the sweetness in my eyes
Isn't it a wonder
At the crossroads of my life
Isn't it a wonder?
Isn't it a wonder?

That I can see, a change in me
But I won't look back
Cos that's behind me
And after all,
Strong words are spoken
My heart will never be, never be
Never be broken...

Tuesday, August 27

how will I start tomorrow without you here?
who's heart will guide me
when all the answers disappear?

is it too late?
are you too far gone to stay?
this one's forever...
should never have to go away
what will I do,
you know I'm only half without you
how will I make it through?

if only tears could bring you back to me
If only love could find a way
what I would do?
what I would give if you returned to me
someday, somehow, someway

if my tears could bring you back to me
i'd cry you an ocean
if you'd sail on home again
wings of emotion will carry you,
i know they can

just light will guide you
and your heart will chart the course
soon you'll be drifting
into the arms of your true north

look in my eyes
you will see a million tears have gone by
and still they're not dry
if only tears could bring you back to me
if only love could find a way
what I would do?
what I would give
if you returned to me someday
somehow... someway

if my tears could bring you back to me
i'll hold you close
and shout the words I only whispered before
for one more chance ...for one last dance
there's nothing that I would not give and more

Monday, August 26

mood : lès misèrable
weather : fair
wooohoooooo.... yessshh i had a wonderful time yesterday there... watching movie.. getting my dad a present for his birthday which will be coming up pretty.. well, not too soon. But since celine's leaving on the 15th, and that's reaaaaallyyyy soon, so we bought it earlier. we watched about a boy. that movie was funny. sis met her ex schoolmate, and i saw a few of them who were my senior last year.
i was out the whole day long....and when i reach home, i watched t.v. and then it's already dinner with grandma for her birthday celebration. *sigh* and things are definitely different now, without Grandad. Oh, yeh. i missed him a lot.

Saturday, August 24

i sit and wait
does an angel contemplate my fate?
and do they know
the places where we go
when we're grey and old?

'cause I've been told that
salvation lets their wings unfold
so when I'm lying in my bed
thoughts running through my head
and I feel that love is dead..
i'm loving angels instead

and through it all she offers me protection
a lot of love and affection
whether I'm right or wrong
and down the waterfall
wherever it may take me
i know that life won't break me
when I come to call, she won't forsake me
i'm loving angels instead

when I'm feeling weak
and my pain walks down a one way street
i look above
and I know i'll always be blessed with love
and as the feeling grows
she breathes flesh to my bones
and when love is dead
i'm loving angels instead

Friday, August 23

i hate the way life is going. sorry sarah... though i know there are people i could definitely count on to turn to when times are bad, like you or seyin, i still tend to feel depressed a lot. *haHaha*. uMmm.. well.. never mind.. i'll get over it pretty soon.
life's been like.. tuition.. and school.. and seminars... *yawns* which makes me sleepy..
but i can't wait to go out with Celine and spend the whole day with her before she leave to London. I'm sure she'll have the time of her life there.. especially the first few days ..
walking around London, and then taking a train or something to Bristol. She's going to get her own laptop, and digicam, and all sorts of stuffs.. and i can't wait to be like her..

heeheee hahaa

oh, by the way, i woke up to listen to Ross saying how it looks like London out there... i sleepily woke up to peep outta the window.. yeay. a little too misty and there was a thick fog out there. especially looking out on the city from a hilltop. cool... i love mornings like this.
anyway.... here's the new layout. i got bored studying, so i went over to the computer, and created this one. i know it's dull.. hehe and by the way.. that's baby brooklyn :)

Sunday, August 18

mood : smiling
weather : cloudy
feeling better now..
hey sarah.. was it me u were talking about in da blog? hehee.. okiee.. i'LL cheer uP.. kay..
don't worry :) *smiles* things are finally looking up!~ *cheers* got tuition whole long day tomorrow... so i really gotta sleep enough tonight to make sure i won't be falling asleep in any of the classes
hahahaHAhaHHAhahHAhhhhaahahaaaaa :P

Friday, August 16

mood : dead
weather : sunny
went to sungei wang and bb with mom after school. i wish days would be better than it's getting. i'm sick and tired of this world.

You and I cannot hide
the love we feel inside
the words we need to say
I feel that I have always walked alone
but now that ur here with me
there'll always be a place that I can go

Suddenly our destiny
has started to unfold
when you're next to me
I can see the greatest story
love has ever told

now my life is blessed with the love of an angel
how can it be true?
somebody to keep the dream alive
the dream I found in you
I always thought that love would be the strangest thing to me
wen we touch, I realize
that I found my place in heaven by ur side

I could fly when u smile
I'd walk a thousand miles
to hear you call my name
now that I have finally found the one
who will be there for me eternally
my everlasting sun

Thursday, August 15

mood : burned
weather : fair
still a little too traumatized [not too] over what has just happened. nothing. i ain't spilling out anything here. anyway.. forget about my sucky life. who cares...an'way.
sarah told me about jot - taking the class 12. well, i doubt i could meet him anyway cause my class ends at 12 and his starts three damn long hours after that!? but it's beenn.. pretty long since i last met or chat up with him. i think... the last time was either Christmas Eve.. or the Christmas day itSeLF... or was it nEw Year's eve?? LoL.. i have a pretty bad memory so i couldn't really be sure when. but all i could remember - i was working then.
LoL... and gEeZzzz. i. am. officially. dead. >>
got a D for my assessment II History paper. if Mom ever know about it, she's gonna strangle me.

made this layout for me class' gRaD page... what d'ya think?

Wednesday, August 14

mood : trashed
weather : dark+silent
i realize just how long i had been not changing my imood.. uRm.. well, so here's it: i changed a new one .. and i'm online for the third time of the day. Suppose i should be sleeping by now. But i ain't really feeling all too well..
i hate the fact that Mom's just too busy these days, and i don't really like it cause she's always not around. i know how hard it is for her, if she has a choice i'm sure she would rather stay at home. but i know celine's leaving to Bristol soon, and i can't shut my eyes and pretend nothing's going to happen.
In a few months time, I would be the one they'll be spending a lot on. but it's the fact that she didn't even have time to make me dinner. and i had been having several minor misunderstandings with Mom. well. i'm fine

and here's one of my all time fav. song :

Here in the dead of the night
Lying here with you by my side,
don't know if this is wrong or it's right
Wishing this was just another day,
baby, I can feel it's too late
Just another cruel twist of fate

Looking back through the years,
time has dried all our tears
But all good things must end,
oh, just listen

Baby, don't cry,
I can see we've lost the feeling
Won't you open your eyes
and try to find your smile
We've known each other too long
to let it all slip away
But when all's said and done,
we've said our last goodbye
Baby, don't cry

Baby, we've been living a lie
And even though it hurts deep inside
I know there can be no, no, no compromise
'cause too many chances have passed

And if you want a love that can last,
never try to push things too fast
And even though I've no regrets,
I still recall the night we met
We said we'd never end, so, baby, listen

All the memories we had,
I wouldn't change a thing
And with the lights down low,
I'm dreaming of what could have been
Even though we've tried so many times before
I'll take one look around before I close the door
With this one last kiss,
I know deep down inside
The beginning of the end,
the ending of our time
Maybe we could try, but,
no, it's just too late
Just another cruel twist of fate
-911 : our last goodbye

i just love this song so daMn much. i liked it a lotttttt..

A fragile heart was broken before
I don't think it could endure another pain
But there's a voice from deep inside of you
That's calling out to make you realize

That this new bond gives inspiration
To all who feel no love appeal no more
So how can I break this wall around you
That's aiding both our hearts to grow in pain

So forget your past, and we can dream tomorrow
Save our hearts for card and lovin too
It's hard I know, but oh
One thing for sure
Don't go and break this fragile heart

A hurting mind in need of emotion
I don't think I could endure another pain
But baby in you, I've found affection
Affection I have never felt before

So don't let your past destroy what comes tomorrow
Don't go and break my fragile heart

With all this fire that burns between us
There's so much to lose
Yet so much more to gain
And if I could, choose the world around me
The world I'd choose would all revolve around you
So help me complete the game inside me
And help to mend my fragile heart

Monday, August 12

mood : uMm..
weather : sunny
yAy!! cOoL Sarah's goNna go physics tuition this saturday with me.. so i won't be bored all alone there. hMm.. physics tuition tonight's cancelled, cause Sir's sick. That's what they say.. uMm.. btw, that's another physics tuition. but.. hey.. nO.. i aiN't crazy. i know i wouldn't be hardworking enough to sit down and really revise physics. and my physics grades are doWn from A's to B's, compared to last year .. uMm.. well...*shrugs*

Saturday, August 10

mood : back on EaRtH
weather : nOrMaL
i waNt to go out and catch a movie or something... i'M getting pretty sLePpY studying... i wanna go have fUnnNnnNNnn... heeeh
but by then i'd probably regret ever going. i don't know.

well.. suddenly something brought my mind back to piano lessons. don't kNoW wHy.. but well.. what can i say? nothing probably. i have always enjoyed playing the piano but i hate practising it .. though i know practice makes perfect. i was the one who begged mom to let me learn piano at the age of 7. mOm agreed, and i still remember my first lesson was plain theory so i got so frustrated that i couldn't start learning the practical.. i complained, and mom made me play a few tunes to my piano teacher, some songs i heard and i only play it with all black keys.. lol.. that's almost like.. 10 years back now..
and i sometimes wonder if i'll ever regret quitting it at Grade 5 and 7 few years back.. hMm... but i probably won't :)

Friday, August 9

mood : six feet underground
weather : windy
yea. i feel almost half dead. The day's killing me in all sorts of depressing way. and if i could have a choice, i would run. no. i would stay. if running away from problems is the easiest solution, i would rather not. They won't be solved if i ignore them. Perhaps i should take some time off; go hit the books and forget about miserable things that will only make life even more depressing for me. Life had gotten more depressing than i ever thought i could get on me. and i seriously need to sort things out and maybe i really need to reflect on my life and how i had been treating others.

no. i don't think i had been quite fair to others. well, i'm not perfect. i never said i am. nobody is and no one said.
i'm just a little jumbled up by stupid little hurtful small things like...*shrugs* well i guess people change ... for better or worse, but..um.. and i think i needed a change somehow to patch me up inside. it won't be as easy as it seem but i'll be fine soon.

it's good to know that you're finally back. yea i do miss reading your blogs and having such a great host back around online.

Thursday, August 8

mood : grand
weather : gloomy
it's beeeen a long time since i last woke up on a cloudy morning like this. no. it didn't rain. the sun was just playing hide and seek.. behind the clouds. gawsh. i do love the sun.. but i miss times like this. And especially the fresh air ... And i hope the monsoon rain's coming back quick cause that means year end's getting near... *yayy* gee... no.. i don't want exams to come earlier than they should aww
yea. i miss mornings like this -- keeps me in my sleeeppy mood.. gahhaa... nahh..it just brings me back to my sweet childhood memories.. remember how we used to wipe Daddy's car every morning? yeh i'm sure you remember that one.

Yesterday's been quite fun i would say. Tuition.. from 2:30 - 6:05pm. but i skipped lunch, not on purpose. i don't skip meals on purpose. dad sent azahar to the lrt station to pick me home. i was supposed to take the feeder bus home, but Dad didn't like that.

seems like i've got a lot to do. and too much to think. too much to sort out. but i've got better things to do in life than torturing myself with daily doubts and worries that will only do me bad. yeh..yeh.. okay i know. i've been a lazy bum lately. i skipped school since Monday. Teacher won't be teaching anyway...rite?? hhaahahha but i'll be going to school tomorrow : provided i could wake up on time.

thinking about all sorts of .. nothing... cloggs up my brain with unimportant thoughts. and i've been getting too lazy to go online these few days. and a little bit of too lazy to study.. and a little bit of too lazy in doing anything at all. so basically i just wake up, study a bit, fell asleep, wake up.. eat.. study a little >> slept >> aRgGh,.. tuition!!

that just reminds me of tuition later in the day. *bLUekksSs* i get the tuition blues.. *aRgH* my legs are sleeping... i don't wanna go :(

heheeeh too bored and seyin asked me to surf around random sites, this site is pretty cOoL!~ *took some quizzes from there*

You took me higher than I've ever been
Now that we're strangers, I've come down again
Back to the real world, back to the real world, back to the ground
Not high above it, without your loving,
now I'm earthbound

Because your love - it lifted me above it all
Without it, it's leaving me so far to fall
I hope you find what you're looking for
I never thought there could be anymore

But if you really have to go, you take the high, I'll take the low
But when you leave me don't you know, you leave me earthbound

You took me higher than I've ever been
Now that we're strangers, I've come down again
Back to the real world, back to the real world, back to the ground
Not high above it, up where the love is,
now I'm earthbound

Because we used to say that we were far away
Because our love, it took us to another place
And it's so hard for me to face

But if you really have to go, you take the high, I'll take the low
But when you leave me don't you know, you leave me earthbound
If you really have to go, you take the high, I'll take the low
But when you leave me don't you know, you leave me earthbound
-earthbound

Monday, August 5

mood : funny
weather : sunny
i rushed to klcc shortly before going for tuition today.. got back just in time .. hahaHhaAhHHhaaa... tHat wAs fUn. =P

gotta take the bus and lrt to go tuition later today.. feeling a little lazy. geeezz i always am. this weekend had still been like the last one, paRty|ng and shoPpInG. Friday after school, i followed Mom to KLCC; walked around a bit. it was boring. Celine bought quite some stuffs that she'll need when she's in uk. i just hung around. Had lunch at Madam Kwan's.. and it still brings me back to Fish & Co. and the great times i had being a server there.
Went to Sungei Wang after klcc. for some kinda reason, i hadn't been feeling exactly well.

Saturday was fUnNnnnn!!!~ BiNtaNg wALk's always been my fav. hangout.
Se Yin, Emma, and I meet up with Sooky, Cindy and Nick at Sungei Wang.. then later went seperate ways. We walked over to Bintang Walk - passed by Fish & Co.
Met Sha..who was distributing flyers that time.. then Lincoln came down to greet us... claimin' someone's missing.. hahah

gEeZzzZZzzzzz it'S bEen soOo long since i last see them... lol..

deGra[v]itated