EVERY NEW BEGINNING COMES FROM SOME OTHER BEGINNING'S END
We had a pretty cool outing on Sunday out at BB. I am so sorry we made the birthday girl wait for us for a whole half an hour when we're all up in Delifrance. We took some photobook pictures again, this time having to squeeze 10 of us. Sometimes i guess i still like my high school friends better. It's not that I don't like my new friend. They're really one whole lot smart-crazy-cool-and-nice to be with. Perhaps it's because I've only known them for three months and it just isn't as long as 4 or 5 years of High School? And of course after you've fitted yourself in a few groups of friend which you have much in common with, and you've just felt so in-the-crowd, who would've like to get out of it and now we had to try fitting in to a whole new surrounding. It's just like throwing away a teddy bear you've owned since a 3 years old for another one when that one is hardly ragged. Well, being with them and knowing each other well enough to be able to crack jokes that make us all laugh together.. or speaking languages that only we ourselves understand, and understanding what we meant by just saying a simple word. Like me and my friend we saw some of our classmates back then in Secondary 5 who goes in to this chatroom called 'kampung chat' so each time we spot them chatting on mIRC we'll say "kampung chat" and we'll both laugh even though it's not even close to funny or anything like that. We'll say "hey.. there your best friend!!" when we saw someone they don't like. I know it sounded lame, it is.
But sometimes having known someone for too long just ain't helping at all. Being too close to someone makes you take that person for granted. I read an article in the paper few days back about how we often forget our manners when we're with someone we're close to, but we are so polite and respect those complete strangers whom we might only meet once in our lifetime. Certainly it's about leaving good impressions..but why can't we also treat our closest friends the same? And leave good impression on them as well? Maybe we just care too much about looking forward to what the future holds -- then look back reminiscing great times we had or regret over the dumbest things we did.. I guess we just tend to overlook things that are right next to us. We took our parents or siblings for granted that they should take care of us, or they should do this or that..we didn't even realise how we never should do things for them. Well, everything in life is just too temperamental. Everything come and go. We never took the trouble to treasure the closest things that are next to us. And by the time we realise, it could've been too late. As the saying goes : you won't know what you've got 'till it's gone. Sometimes your closest friends just took you for granted and you suddenly felt like you hate it. But most of the times knowing someone too much also leads to knowing that person a little too well and you started making assumptions that you know they're like this, or you know they will sure do that. For knowing each other too long. Then you started hearing them criticising you. They suddenly turn their back on you. There was this sudden pang of loneliness and guilt and couldn' figure out what went wrong - but everything just did. I know how awful it feels because I had been through that before. I'm sure everyone had. It's like a hard machine crushing my head and feeling like I could just break down and cry and hit myself on the head wishing I will know what the hell is wrong with me that makes everyone hates me so. It hurts so much that I felt like it's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden pain. A sudden rush. But I have to be strong and I'm not supposed to cry over tiny little problems like that :|
Well, I've some friends whom I have known for 9 long years now. We don't hang out too often - just some Sports House practices together and all, and we're still keeping in touch.
And that isn't the best feeling in the world when things turn bitter, you know you couldn't even stand on your two feet because you feel like you're crumbling down. You'll fall down just any second even though you're holding on tight to that something because that something you held will turn its back on you too. And I never wanted anymore best friends. I just want close friends whom I could hang out with and chat and go out and spend time with. You see I learn from mistakes. I learn from experience. I hate being lie to.
And Pre-U isn't going to get me the closest friend on earth for life when it's only a year and a half course. And 18 months isn't long. But to the very least, there are more than a hundred days for us to hang out together and to get to know each other. Just maybe I'll have one or two of them going to the same uni as I am. Maybe then I could find someone I could call true friend. But I know I can't guarantee that we'll stay that close forever, now that these closest friends I had from High School seem to be drifting away. The gap between us are growing wider with each passing day. Sometimes I wonder why life have to be so cruel.
But I know.
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. And everything come and go. So does everyone in your life.
is more than who we are
posted by Nic @ 23:26
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